Women In Transition...Where Change Begins

Women In Transition...Where Change Begins
Continue To Follow Patricia McKinney www.womenintran.org

Friday, September 19, 2014

Out Of The Rain

I was born into
 By Karen Ricketts
I was born into a world of sin
Innocent I was not knowing what was within
Gradually I came to see
That sin was growing up inside of me
Out In the world I’m flung
Doing everything under the sun

Hurt grew, pain grew, don’t forget lust and pride too
Struggling now to do what’s right
Growing tired and weary of the fight
Waiting for the moment I can exhale
But my strength was to no avail

Searched all the low places for a way out
Only digging myself deeper and deeper in dirt
Getting my palm read here and my fortune told there
But my money was their only care

Then one day He who sits in the High place
Decided to spare my life
Because He had deposited something in me that was right
He’s the door I was looking for all along
But his adversary had me in his grip stringing me along
Jesus called me in out of the rain
To a place of shelter and safety in Him and life once again

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Women And Their High Demands

By Patricia McKinney

Just about every young girl has been taught that one day she'll grow up and be married over the course of her life time.  She's usually instilled with such teaching by the women in her family or other female influences that are a "voice" in her life, either good or bad.  It's engrained in us that one day we'll find "Mr. Right" or someone equivelant to a "Knight In Shining Armor", that will sweep us off our feet like some Princess from a fairytale, and that we should never settle for anything less. 

Very rarely are we "schooled" on the realistic expectations, facts, and naked truth that comes with "holy matrimony", nor are we given a manual with the rules of engagement on how to keep a man when we get him. Not too many people tell you that the man in your life will make mistake and so will you.  They don't supply you with instructions that say, "No party should have control over the other, and there's no Big I's and Little U's in a marriage, that compromise is necessary, and family members are not to be included in decision making, etc.   

Unfortunately, those responsible for this information don't come with all the facts needed prior to marriage, and they portray that our husband should be some super human being without flaws, therefore we'll set our standards too high.   Normally, women that have been hurt or failed horribly in relationships will set unrealistically high standards so she won't get hurt again, and they teach others to do the same. Many women even look to societies view of what marriage and relationships should be and it's the worst example to follow, because relationships now days only last a few months to a year. If it's any longer than that, it might be an "opened relationship" which permits both parties to do everything under the sun without true committment. Other than that, the relationship will be "one sided" meaning the man or woman is the "Lord" over the other, and it ends in ruin because the demands in the relationship are set too high.

Now days, I often find especially among the more afluent, black "Six figure sisters" that's educated or graduated at the top of her class, and worked or even slept her way to the top, set these rediculous standards for a man that she's not even capable of fulfilling herself! She wants the Six Million Dollar man, that's 6 foot 4, with a six pack of ab's, that'll throw rose petals down at her feet when she walks through the door, celebrate every holiday, birthday, valentines day in "honor of her", while she's allowed to do and say what she wants. She lives in a place that I call "fantasy island", that doesn't exist, and that's why she ends up single. 

They want someone to be perfect but they're not even domestic at home (meaning the cooking or cleaning type).  They carry "baggage" from the last relationship and he has to suffer for what someone else did.  First of all, a man want's someone that can fulfill his needs and desires too.  He doesn't want a relationship with someone he feels inferior too, or feel belittled in, like he's some slave on a plantation! His worth is just as valuable as the womans, and God never intended for one to be greater than the other, they are to be equal and inseparable. 

I recently heard a young man say that Black women have the highest rate of singleness among women of other races, why is that?  He also mentioned that when a black woman become successful, it comes with a negative attitude thats a turn off to a man, and they have a double standard that says everything he has belongs to her, but when she gets something he's not entitled to any of it. That shows the very reason why many women are single, and will stay that way for the rest of their life. They don't show that they value the man, and some will get a good man and ruin it because they're not marriage material, or willing to do their part. 

Again, God never created man to be less than a woman, neither did he create the woman to be less than the man.  He made it clear that the only one that's the epitome of perfection and love is Him, that all human beings are flawed, and created equal. So if your one of the single women that fits bill of the "six figured sister, or the woman with such high standards, do a recap and take a judicious evaluation of yourself.  Nine times out of ten, you are not even able to live up to the standards that you place on someone else, and to have such high expectations is unrealistic. 

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Humble Pie...Vengeance Is Mine

By Keesah Pelzer
When situations in life arise that we have no control over, it makes us feel like our hands have been tied together,  not permitting us to make moves how we want to make moves. It's a hard pill to swallow when you have to be humble enough to allow someone that doesn't have the capability of beating you naturally or spiritually, talk down on you and try to bully you or run the show, all because they don't like how you do things.
Speaking from a realistic perspective, we sometimes want to cause physical harm to others that have harmed us, be it how they've treated us, how they've talked about us, or even what they've done  to our children (undeservingly), especially if its been going on for years. Sometimes we don't want to hear "just pray" or "wait on the Lord" because to us, he's taking too long, and we want to take matters in to our own hands.

When you've been raised by the streets (like myself), naturally you're a fighter, and its always "eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth"  and when that's been instilled in you, your first reaction is pay back. They hurt you and  you want them to reap what they've sown, so you sit and think of all the ways you can give them a taste of their own medicine, but with an extra dosage. I know first hand that Its painful to look at someone and clearly see them getting away with "murder", and there's nothing you can do about it.

Here we are trying to dot all of our i's and cross all of our t's, yet they're the ones that are belligerent and reckless, and they do unimaginable things to us, and it seems like God is just letting them slide, and although we may want to act like-minded like the individuals who've caused us pain, it really would be in our best interest to continue to eat humble pie and allow God do the rest, because every dog has its day, and once we get that in our minds, the easier things will become for us.
Deuteronomy 32:35 "I will take vengeance; I will repay those who deserve it. In due time their feet will slip. Their day of disaster will arrive, and their destiny will overtake them."

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Older Women In Competition With Younger Women

By Angela Cox

My how time flies.  It seems like just yesterday, I was in my early twenties and now I'm forty-two. But in my book, age is just a number, and it doesn't seem like I've aged much at all, just in experience. Of course as you age you don't keep the baby-butt skin that you used to have and you may have a little pouch after birthing several children, get some gray hair, but that's all a part of the change. But one of the things that I've witnessed during the process of aging, is older women in competition with younger women. The effort and energy they waste focusing on someone else with the desire to relive their glory days is astonishing. Sometime it's a pathetic and a shameful sight to see.  It reminds me of Cinderella when the clock struck twelve, and she left her slipper and  the ball was over.  (Let it go!) 

Older women that compete with younger women  normally act out of insecurity, jealousy, or that fact that they've never lived their own life and glory days to the fullest.  They're unhappy with their present circumstances and lack fulfillment and excitement.  Usually, older women won't waste time competing with someone ratchet, but they'll usually compete with someone that's either beautiful in their eyes, confident, very stylish and vibrant, or a productive beacon of society.  Women express themselves in different ways, some are good at hiding competition and how they feel with smiles or encouraging words, while other's will talk about you or gossip instead. 

During my early twenties, I had an encounter with a woman almost twice my age.  I was a member of a women's group at the time, and I recall this particular woman in the group that didn't take to me very well.  She and I had no prior history or former ties, we were complete strangers when we met. However, at most meetings, she'd be very curt or anti-social and her body language spoke a thousand words.   As time progressed, everyone in the group became more familiar with each other and one day her feelings came to the forefront. She told me, " I remember when I was your age, I used to model, I was slim and so on and so forth.   Low and behold, there was the punchline, her curtness and body language spoke volume by what she said. She expressed that she was unhappy within, and she wished she had the glory from her younger days. Later on, she shared the pictures taken during her days of modeling. She was a very pretty, stylish, petite woman and had not changed much at all with age, only her weight. It was very obvious that she was unhappy and she'd express feelings of jealousy and insecurity as she continued to deal with the other women in the group. At times she be very critical, shooting down other's idea's.


From this experience among  many others, I've learned that women focus too much on others. In my eyes, the world is huge, which means no matter how old you get as long as you have health and strength, there's always something productive to do to keep you going.  I have an eighty old father and I kid you not, I still believe that he turned forty on his birthday.  His conversation reveals that he has the heart of a young man half his real age. Not long ago, he told me "age is just a number"   and his life expresses his belief.  He's still very independent and keeps very busy.  He works, goes to the gym, does yard work, loves sports, takes trips, he's in a choir and had remarried not many years ago, and brags about how the young ladies still have a thing for him, and how they throw themselves at him.(LOL)  I believe as women, we need to adopt this slogan  "age is just a number", and this type of youthful heart as our own. It will help keep you vibrant and alive even when your aging, so you won't have the need to compete with someone younger, but have something to feel good about, and have a style that's all your own

Monday, September 15, 2014

Don't Be Ashamed

By Keesah Pelzer

We've all done things in our lives that we're not too proud of, and as a human, I've definitely done things that I was totally ashamed of as well, but realistically speaking, who hasn't? Sometimes we feel as though we're the only ones who have done wild and crazy things, and made not so good decisions. We've even allowed people to make us feel this way. 

Out of a trillion things that I was humiliated about, having three kids by two different guys (whom I am no longer with), was number one on my list. I didn't feel like explaining, and I didn't want anyone to know, so I tried hide my pregnancy from some of my family members and social media. I just knew they were going to have a lot to say about the fact that my two younger girls are only fourteen months apart, but I could only hide it for but so long, and before I knew it, here came the questions! "Are you preggo? Ohhh, you're having another baby? Well, I see you aren't wasting any time!" It was so embarrassing. It wasn't just the fact that I was pregnant again that I was completely ashamed of, it was the struggle that came along with it. Going to WIC appointments, being a state recipient, and having to learn the proper way to raise them according to Gods standards. It took for one of my sisters from Women In Transition to share her story about how she struggled being a young mom and having three kids back to back. In that moment, I felt a sense of relief to know that I wasn't the only one that was ashamed of something so minor. 

I was at McDonalds the other day, and I ran into this girl named Asia that I used to go to school with. In all of about five minutes, we played catch up and gave brief summaries of our lives within the past six years. I told her that I have three kids now, and when I said that, she looked at me and said, "What were you thinking?" Now normally, I would shy away from answering questions like that, because I was too timid and embarrassed of my situation to respond, but I looked her square in her face and told her that a lot of people have asked me that question, and to be honest, having an abortion was not on the menu. I told her, that people are quick to judge and look down on, and turn their noses up at people like myself because we have multiple children, but those are the same people that have platinum memberships with the abortion clinic just so they can keep up with the Joneses. I meant everything that I said to her, and I didn't think twice about hurting her feelings, or coming off as unpleasant, and I could tell by the look on her face that I did just that. What gives her the right to ask such a silly question, and being that she has two kids of her own? You would think that she knows better. 

Indeed it gets hard a lot of the times, but I chose to give my children a fighting chance, even keeping in mind that there was a strong possibility that I'd be raising them alone. I myself, have had two abortions in the past, and after my last one (about six years ago), I was so sad, and I always wondered what would that child have looked like, would it be a girl or a boy, and what type of personality would they have? I look at my girls now, and thank God for them, and I try for a second to imagine how life would be if I would have chosen to abort them. It took me a while to not let others make me feel less than because I chose to keep my kids, and after a while, I didn't have time to be ashamed. I realized that I needed Gods help and guidance so that I could be the best parent possible to my girls, and if I was too ashamed to open up about it, how was I going to receive the help that I needed? God told me that there was no reason to be embarrassed about the things that I've been through in my life, because my testimony can help someone else, even if its something lowdown, dirty and shameful. You'd be surprised at how many people have been through the same things as us. 

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Traits of a Beautiful Woman. The Transformation of Patricia McKinney

       CEO & President
       Patricia McKinney
Proverbs 14:1 The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.
A Woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a Man has to seek him to find her
Max Lucado
Proverbs 31:26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. 
Proverbs  14:1 The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.
God is looking for imperfect men and women who have learned to walk in moment-by-moment dependence on the Holy Spirit. Christians who have come to terms with their inadequacies, fears, and failures. Believers who have become discontent with ‘surviving’ and have taken the time to investigate everything God has to offer in this life.- Charles Stanley



Friday, September 12, 2014

Identity Theft

By Patricia McKinney

Have you ever known someone that wanted to be you so bad that they'd try to go to the ends of the earth to destroy you?  I mean, they were obsessed to the point that in their delusional mind, they believe they can be you, better than you can be yourself? Only to realize that everything they attempted to do to bring you down backfired.

A person that's obsessed with your life will go as far as reaching out to people from your past that you don't even deal with anymore, and in some cases never dealt with at all.  But their "stalkish" ways gives them a false sense of connection to you, by keeping in touch with people from your past. like your associates, friends, or family members.

They're so infatuated with your life that they'll try to mimic or portray being "you". But the deception about trying to mimic someone else's life is a set up for disappointment because that person that's being copied may no longer be in the same place in their life, or they're not doing the same things that they did before. They may have moved forward and connected with new people, places and things which causes them to change the whole dynamic of who they are as a person and what they do.  Which means the obsessed person can never keep up.

Do you remember the story about Satan being kicked out of heaven?  It all started with Satan (Lucifer) wanting to be like the Most High God.  He wanted what God had, he wanted to be better than God because his heart was full of jealousy, envy, malice, and lust.  These are the same factors that drive people to want what someone else has, and it's a very dangerous place be in because they'll become consumed in someones life. In a place like this, you'll find that you'll no longer focus on who you are, your own likes and dislikes or desires, but on that of another.

This is not what God desires, but that we be content with what we have and who you are.  God desires that we become who he's designed us to be as individuals because we are fearfully and wonderfully made.

I John 2:16 ) says, "For everything in the world - the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life - comes not from the Father, but from the world."

Thursday, September 11, 2014

A Separation Was Necessary

By Karen Ricketts
It seems like it was only a few years ago that I decided to serve the Lord, to turn my life over to him. I was a single mother raising two seven year old children at the time. After becoming a mother, my circle of friends became smaller and smaller. This was due to the fact that I made a conscious decision to be the best mother I could be. 

So I worked hard, hung out less and spent my free time with my children. Naturally this left little room for too many other people. Like the saying goes, some people come in your life for a reason, some for a season and some for a life time. 

After giving my life to Christ, I noticed that some of the attachments I still had to friends and family would just abruptly come to an end. This was because Christ, who was now leading my life saw fit to detached me from these individuals. It was like they got out of bed and decided they weren't going to deal with me anymore. Looking back I also realized that on two of these occasions a physical move took place as well, where I moved out of the place I was living. They couldn't find me unless I physically reached out to them. 

We don't always know who or what is best for us, and we cannot predict our future. I trusted the Lord with what he was doing in my life and allowed it. The truth is, we don't really know what lies deep in the hearts of those we associate with concerning us. 

In one of these instances, an acquaintance I had known for a few years, who I met at church and also happen to be my next door neighbor, woke up one day and stopped speaking to me. For no reason, she didn't even know why herself. I sensed the Lord was at work and left her alone. I moved out of that apartment less than a month later. A few years later, I bumped into her, we greeted each other on friendly terms, and I left it at that. 

If God severed those ties, then who was I to go against what he had done and try to mend them back together. The separation that has had the most impact  on me so far involved my mother. This was huge, because even though we didn't have a good relationship, I love my mother and always kept the communication lines open with her. I lived with her at the time and the unhealthy relationship we always had was starting to affect my children. God orchestrated a separation where he opened the door for me to move out without having any money or a job. 

He had to get me and my children in a place where we could be healed and delivered without the interference and influence of my mother. I know it's God because he also called Abram to separate from his family and journey to an unknown place. As human beings, we value interactions and closeness with family members and others in society, but it's these associations that cause us the most hurt and pain and are the hardest to break or disconnect from. These relationships or associations will lead us down the wrong path and away from God if he's calling for a separation but we refuse. 

I'm grateful that I allowed the Lord to intervene on my behalf and break up these relationship I was either too weak or unwilling to let go of. As I'm separated from my extended family at this time, I know that the Lord is working on my life to bring forth healing in all areas. Besides, how can he be my all in all if I'm running to this friend or this family member for advice and help. 

These separations have led to my complete reliance on the  Lord. For the first time in my life I'm truly getting to know the real me and that includes the good, the bad and the ugly which is all a part of the healing process. I sometimes think about the individuals I was closest to in the world (before serving Christ), but I'm unwilling to give up or lose what I've gained in Christ to go back and rekindle old friendships. He's filled every void in my life and has given me joy, hope and peace that no other person can, because it can only come from Him. .

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

"Iyanla Vanzant, Fix My Life"....My Opinion

By Angela Cox

Not long ago Iyanla Vanzant made a re-appearance after disappearing for some time, with a new show called" Fix My Life".  The "title" of this show is very powerful because of its content and meaning and it's very compelling from a marketing aspect, which can draw the attention of people. Prior to viewing the show, I went in with the expectation that those participating would have life changing results because of their experience on this show, and also based off of the title.  But in my own mind, I've never known anyone that had the full capacity to fix the life of another, because I'm a realist. I tend to look at things from a realistic perspective.  To me, even though people have the capability to help others by using tools of wisdom and experience, this is too strong a title for one human being to manage.  I believe it takes more than human capability alone to do so, it has to be coupled with the Power of God and principles to live by in order to fix the life of another. This takes not just words and short sessions to talk,  but the time and effort, of those in need to exercise the tools they've been given, accompanied by support, and determination.  Which means, this cannot be accomplished in a few episodes on a TV show.

I've recently watched several episodes of the show, and found that it dealt with very deep personal issues, but I also noticed that when the episode was done, people left the show frustrated and without a resolution.  You know, I believe that people have their own intentions as to why they have talk shows to help others.  Sometime people help or appear to help others with the inner agenda to get personal satisfaction or their own self fulfillment, and others help without the experience or expertise to help people overcome their issues. In both cases, the end result is failure because the person leaves the show without a resolution, but they've aired all of their dirty laundry for the world to see.  My heart was broken as I watched a small clipping of DMX with Iyanla.  In this particular episode DMX cried several times and I knew based off of his past experience shared, he was a broken man in need of God's healing as well as the love of people (not to condone some things, but I feel he was provoked at times) .  While I continued to watch I noticed by Iyanla's response to him was very curt and lacking compassion.  It showed in her response and body language that she could not understand and identify with his plight, or have the in-depth compassion as to his existing state.  He needed someone that's "been there and done that", a vessel that's walked in his shoes to help him, and that cannot be done in a few episodes or in a 6 step plan over the course of a couple months. 

I looked at this and gained wisdom, many people are wearing shoes that they cannot fill.  Anybody can wear a title, or go to college and get a Masters degree in Psychology, but it's not until you've been through something yourself that you can truly help someone else and identify with them.  People usually draw to and give an attentive ear to someone that's "been there and done that." People give ear and respond more quickly to those with common ground. You set a better example before people if  you've walked a life in their shoes and became a conqueror, and mastered challenges. I've also learned that compassion goes a long way, and you get more bee's with honey.  People are more willing to share with you if give off the energy of love and understanding.

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Your Negative Emotions Can Create An Illusion

By Patricia McKinney
Have you ever been in an emotional stupor where everything seemed to bother you, and you'd take every comment, suggestion, or even a valuable life lesson as a direct aim at you? Better yet, have you ever taken  a fine piece of literature or word of wisdom out of context because of the negative experiences from your past or inner turmoil in your life that caused you to have a distorted perspective?  

Everyone's had this type of experience, where their own negative emotions cause and "illusion" which means your emotions can create a negative experience that's not real, or cause you to see a person, place or thing from a distorted light that doesn't even exist. An "illusion" is defined as a hallucination, something that deceives by producing a false or misleading impression of reality.

Many times when we as individuals have unresolved inner pain, guilt,  bitterness, and unhealthy issues that lie within, we become an enemy unto ourselves, and sometimes a "turn off to everyone else".  If these issues are left unchecked, it's easy for us to assume that everything that someone says or does is a direct hit at us, when in fact, it can be quite the opposite more times than not.  Unfortunately, those we encounter are not responsible for the negative thoughts or actions that we're responsible for. 

We can help ourselves by seeking the face of God in prayer, and by asking him for healing or to forgive us and free us from our own inner turmoil.  He's also given us the responsibility to take a look in the mirror,  and put forth the effort to work on our flaws. 

Food for thought,  before we make an assumption about someone, or something said, we should make sure that we're not filled with negative emotions within from our past or inner turmoil, because our negative emotions can create an illusion, that hinder our blessings, prevent good relationships, and cause us to be an enemy to ourselves.


Monday, September 8, 2014

Love One And Hate The Other

By Keesah Pelzer

Being torn between two desires is one of the most difficult experiences known to mankind. Everyday we're forced to make decisions both big and small about even the simplest of things, yet there are some that prefer to dabble in both pots instead of choosing from just one.
Majority of the time we don't realize the severity of straddling the fence. We think its ok to be on both sides as long as no one gets hurt. From what I understand, we play both side sides of the field because its hard for us to make a commitment to one person, place or thing, without feeling like we're being given an ultimatum.

Before I began to take my walk with Christ more seriously, straddling the fence was my full-time occupation. I would live lawlessly Monday through Saturday, and on Sundays show up in church as if I were Virgin Mary (innocent), knowing good and well that I was playing all week long, but eventually my behaviors started to catch up to me as I realized that I wasn't moving forward like I should have been, and that's when I knew that something had to give.

As time went on I found myself wanting to change, because I started to see the manifestation of everything new around me, and I wanted to be a part of it, but I knew that I couldn't if I was still serving two masters (God and Satan).

Its funny how we say we have a relationship with God, but yet do everything under the sun that is not of him. Not just the activities that we engage in, but what's on the inside of us, and the things that are lingering in our hearts. How can we even attempt to do the work of the Lord or to experience the fullness of him if we're bitter, greedy, money hungry, judgmental, and deceitful, but never find any flaws within ourselves?

I'm not saying that you can't be a sinner and love God, but ultimately if you really want to live right, and if you really love him, there will come a time when conversion must take place, from the old into the newness that he has in store for us. We can't continue to do whatever it is that we want and expect to be accepted and blessed by him. We cant expect him to hear our payers when we're sick, or when someone that we love is on their death bed or in trouble. If we're going to want him, we have to want him when life is going great, and when things seem bleak.
When I began to understand those things , life started changing for me. I realized that all the diabolical characteristics that I possessed had to be done away with. I couldn't say that I was walking with Christ, but yet my lifestyle spoke something the complete opposite.

Matthew 6:24 "No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money."

Friday, September 5, 2014


By Karen Ricketts
Have you ever ran into someone from your past, or reconnected with them via social media or by phone and found out that in all those years they haven't changed one bit. Some people might view this as a good thing that someone has stayed the same, but it all depends on the area in their lives that remained constant and unchanged in all those years.

Change happens when we pass from one state of mind to the next, in how we act and even in the things we like or dislike. Do you remember when you were a child and how you disliked certain foods, even looking at it made you feel sick, but as you grew older you decided to try it, and realized that you actually liked the taste?

I remember reconnecting with someone I hung out with as a teenager and young adult. We lost contact for many years, then one day we reconnected and after ten years had passed. My first conversation with her felt like we had continued a conversation from where we left off in the past, and it was not a good feeling. Some people can even be married with children, but somehow they manage to stay the same psychologically (their mental and behavioral state) and in their emotionally reactions.

The memories of the fun times you had are just that, memories that should stay in the past. If your initial conversation with this person left you feeling like you went back in time by having the same type of discussions with no new insight, knowledge, or information about life, and you’re feeling like something’s wrong with this picture, then something is different. You’ve grown and changed and your friend hasn’t.

There’s nothing wrong with outgrowing  relationships, because as individuals we mature and grow at different rates, but do you want to have that same type of relationship again? Will it benefit you in any way? Is reconnecting with this individual and renewing an old friendship going to help you, hinder you or drag you back five, ten, or fifteen years?

Most times you have to decline renewing an old relationship and keep moving forward. It’s nothing personal against that individual, you’ve just outgrown them, the things you use to do, and the types of conversations you use to engage in. Hooking back up with them again would yield no beneficial results in your life. It’s not the quantity of people that surround you, but the quality of the character and substance that those around you contribute to your life.

With all that’s going wrong in the world today, we can’t relive the good ole days by reconnecting with those from our past, they’re unable to fill the void in our lives. The truth is that void can only be filled by letting Christ into your life and heart . He promised to be a true and faithful friend to us.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Fathers And Men-From A Women's Perspective

By Angela Cox
I grew up in the flatland of the mid-west during the 1970's genre of Earth Wind & Fire, Cameo, Rick James and the style of Afro's and the huge Cadillac's. Family gatherings were the norm then, and people were more in touch with their ethnicity.  During this time the new generation of black people changed quit a bit.  The young black man became more carefree although you still had those that were more productive during this era, but as time  progressed, it became common place for black families to be raised by one parent, their mothers.  

Normally people have the perception that men are usually the only ones effected by the lack of a fathers presence in the home and this is partly true.  But women also suffer in the long run when their father is not present in the home.  From my own experience, as well as viewing the issue on a broader scale,  the majority of black women, are raised in single family homes and during the course of their lifetime, their choice in men reflects the lack of a relationship that they've had with or without a father during their early years.  A man in the home is like a security blanket for the whole family.  His role of dominion speaks volume, and his presence alone can bring order to a home.   A mother of six children can warn her children many times before she has to take drastic measures in comparisons to a fathers stern look or raised voice.  A father's presence can provide a young male with a life giving role model that  helps to shape him as an individual and show him the model of what a man should be.  There are many men in the world who have awesome potential but never tapped into because they didn't have a visual to follow.     

Usually women will choose a man based off of the type of male role model set before her (both good or bad).  If that father or man in her life was neglectful or abusive, or a bad boy, more times than not she'll draw to that type in her later years. Sadly enough to say, most black women do, unless they're strong enough to stray away from the negative example set before them.  Growing up as a young girl,  many men in the family were teaching me without even realizing that they were leading by their example.  As children, we don't know were being trained by a persons actions, and that we attract to things we see. Men don't realize the impact that they have as figures and the authority that they have that's been given to them by God.  Father's are extremely important because they play a vital role in society as well as the family.  As a woman among the population of other women,  I made unhealthy choices in man partly due to a lack of good male role models, but mainly the lack of a father. But as time passed, I bounced back from my errors.   I've also taken in view, that  there are still a few good men and fathers that are standing their ground as manly men and it's a beautiful thing to see.  Men that are still standing are deserving of much respect,  esteeming and encouragement because the times are changing and many men have lost their place.  My prayer is that those men standing their ground will stay strong and set the example to those younger that will take heed to their example.  A real man's voice and stature always has an impact on others.

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

A One Shot Deal

By Patricia McKinney
Have you ever had a chance at a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, but when it came knocking at your door, you blew it because you were preoccupied with things less important, and it never presented itself again? Then after that point, it seemed like every other offer was minimal, or it took more work to attain it, and it didn't seem like much of an opportunity at all? 
So many people miss out on opportunities that can change their lives forever, simply because they want to stay within the confines of the same people, places, and things, and they're not willing to make the necessary sacrifices required in order to obtain the opportunity when it comes.

They feel that time is on their side, that people will wait for them, that they can bring unnecessary "baggage" with them, meaning things that are not beneficial to the opportunity at hand, which can cause a conflict of interest. Most of all, they feel like the person that's presenting them with the opportunity, thinks just like them, or lacks seriousness, just like them, and might be lackadaisical like them, or condone behavior contrary to the rules of engagement, just like them. 

 Unfortunately, it's quite contrary to their way of thinking. For example, a person with the position of CEO, President, Chief of Staff, Founder, Board of Directors, Governor, Superintendent, (you name it), didn't get their title by happen-stance. 
It took both effort and sacrifice in order to achieve the title. They might of had to prove themselves by working long hours, and deal with opposition along the way. They might of had to "tread the path alone" without the help of counterparts, and separate from old friendships. So to give someone a "free pass" when they come along, or to give leniency to someone that doesn't appreciate their hard work, or take them seriously, would be an injustice.

I've learned as a CEO & President that other's in my position work hard to achieve what they have, and there's no room for someone to come in and "break the rules", or jump on the "bandwagon", or lay back and get a "free -ride" off of the hard earned fruit of my labor. 

Life is too short, and I refuse to let my hard work go to waist. I've learned to be wise in order to keep my organization and businesses striving, by not waisting time with people that will cause what I have to depreciate in value. 
I'm giving "A One Shot Deal" now days, and only dealing with people that mean well, without ill motives and agenda's, that can add too me and what I do, and not subtract from me because of their lack of seriousness and appreciation for my labor.


Monday, September 1, 2014

The Friend Zone

By Keesah Pelzer

Parenting children in the times we're living in are totally different from when I was coming up, which was honestly not that long ago.
Today I see more parents being a friend to their children, as apposed to being a real mother or father.They're in the clubs with them, fighting with them, selling drugs, stealing, drinking, smoking, and even introducing them to the dark side. These kids have no respect for their parents, let alone any other adult for that matter, and the parents wonder why they can't get through to them.
Some may say that its an awesome thing for a parent to indulge in those type of activities with their child, but to me that's a dangerous move. How can we be taken seriously if we display juvenile characteristics? And what type of morals would we be teaching them by trying to prove that we're the cool parent?

I myself can't imagine doing those type of things with my own children, because there is a level of respect that I request from my girls, even as a young mother, and even as them being small kids. We don't have to be in the "friend zone" in order for our children to like us. They need us to be parents, raise them the right way, and teach them right from wrong, but its impossible to do so if we're on the same level as them mentally. Someone has to be the adult.

When it comes to my spiritual parents, the same rules apply, and those rules were established at the gate, from the very second I got to the ministry. It was made clear by Mrs. McKinney that she is not our "home girl". We're not best buds, and we can't approach her any type of way, and the same with Mr. McKinney, he is our spiritual father, and anything else that is deemed disorderly, is not permissible.

Before I really understood what it meant to be an effective parent, I used to always say that when I have children, where going to be best friends and we're going to do everything under the sun together! But when I became one, God had to show me exactly what my girls needed from me. They needed structure, stability, and guidance. At first, I didn't have that myself to give, so I had to be taught in order for me to pass it down to them, and I'm still learning. All children need love, not someone to amp them up when they hear a song by Drake on the radio, or for us to engage in inappropriate conversations with them.
We all want our children to be able to come to us and talk about anything, and there's nothing wrong with hanging out with your children, and even goofing off with them, but in order for us to be effective, we must be taught the right way to raise our children, and establishing parental boundaries is at the top of the list.